#like he's not love as violence but. he is Friendship as violence. coz the way hes made majority of his oldest friends is Through violence

[meistoshi]

sat here after weeks, months even, of devotionposting on zoro's blog, rotating satoshi... make no mistake, just coz satoshi knows more languages than just violence & is far more universally affectionate by no means means that satoshi isn't just as Very Normal about those he cares about. his limits & morals aren't as hard-set as he likes to believe. they'll snap like twigs on behalf of those he loves. satoshi has no object permanence with people & forgets to talk to them on a frequent basis, but if they're next to him he will want nothing more than to glue himself to their side so he doesn't even have to consider that they may want to be around him less than he does them. keeps himself busy with his passions to stave away the clawing Need to be around others, to be with friends. as much needs to disappear into the millionth adventure as stitch himself to a friend in assurance they will not abandon him. is always the first to leave if he can help it, because then he cannot be left. & it's hypocritical & a little cruel & he's always so sure his friends Get It, where seeing familiar hurt reflected at him only serves to confuse him, because it so rarely occurs to him that his presence is missed.

[jaeedraszaerysz]

Bitter truth.

Note: idfk why I wrote this but it happened so...

Also I called the girl Aurora coz why not 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Set in 1984

Warnings: swearing, breakups, cheating, smoking, mentions of drugs and alcohol, threats of violence.

Summary: when Eddie cheats on Aurora and normality seems to turn on her like the wind, she finds herself back with old friends, and the long haired boy may just live to despise his decision.

Metalheads weren't exactly a common occurrence in Hawkins, and even then, only a select few were decent enough to even say hello to in passing.

That is how Aurora found herself dating the infamous, long-haired, doe-eyed "freak"; Eddie Munson. They had much in common, both guitar players, dead set on becoming kick-ass rock legends and changing the world, they both had amazing hair, and they both associated with a very, very dysfunctional group known as "the party".

Aurora had always been close with the boys, having babysat for Joyce Byers as a younger teen and developing friendships with both Nancy wheeler and Robin Buckley, along with Steve and Jonathan later on. She was kind, those who hated her only for her friends and her 'vibe', for her personality was nothing to complain about.

Her kindness even, somehow, led her to a friendship with Billy Hargrove, who drove her home or kept away creepy teenage boys in exchange for the very secret help with homework and patching him up after fights with his father.

She was much loved around Hawkins by those with decent hearts and always seemed to be smiling, radiating a warm energy into any room she entered.

It was surprising when she first started to date the Munson boy, however.

He didn't treat her like a princess, or even like his girlfriend alot of the time. He told her she tried too hard when she listened to heavier music than him, complained about her guitar skills despite them being practically perfect. He picked on her outfits and her hair and lots of things. Yet she stayed by him, and cared for him, taking what little affection she gained in return with a smile.

This is how she found herself approaching Eddie's trailer in the howling wind, in the pitch black on a Friday night. They had arranged to meet up to watch films and play guitar, but for a reason unknown to Aurora, Eddie had neglected to pick her up, so she made her own way.

She opened the door as she usually would and walked through into the trailer, it didn't look any different, but it sounded it. There were hushed whispers coming from the room down the hall and she smiled, expecting Eddie to be hunched over his guitar perfecting a song or two. She noticed the boys habit of talking to himself when he was involved in his music.

She walked quietly to the door and held the handle, pausing suddenly when she realised the door was open a crack. Eddie never left it open. Never. It was like an unspoken rule to the boy. His room was his and his only.

She pushed it inwards carefully and it glided away from her hand, revealing her boyfriends room and her boyfriend.

On top of a girl.

On top of Chrissy Cunningham.

He had his head buried in her neck and neither of them wore any clothes, the items already discarded on the hardwood floor amongst various other objects.

Aurora just stood there as Chrissy shrieked and Eddie turned around like he'd just been struck by lightning. She didn't move, just stood, her arms dropping by her side, swinging subtly like they weren't even a part of her anymore. Like she had become an inanimate object.

She opened her mouth slightly and looked away, nodding her head in the slightest way and turning around, dazed and broken. Her eyes were emotionless and she walked out and down the steps like her life had just been slapped out of her.

She could here the stumble of Eddie trying to get back into his jeans and out the door. He followed her but she continued to walk, even as the rain began to pelt down like the black clouds shared her pain.

Eddie shouted her name but she just wandered off into the darkness, down the road. The rain water soaked through her Black Sabbath shirt and dripped down her arms, past her few tattoos and collecting on her leather bracelets and rings.

Her teats began to fall, basically unnoticeable against the splashing water droplets hailing from the night above her and she dragged her feet. She had her friends but Eddie had been her person. Her reason. Her life. This dealing was foreign to her. Someone so set on ridding the world of people who cheated and lied and fought had caused her more pain than any Hawkins jock or dolled up mother could.

She continued to kick stones up from the side of the road as she went, her breathing becoming heavier by the second. What she wasn't expecting was to zone out and for a familiar blue camaro to pull up beside her.

Billy rolled down the window and pushed open the passenger door for the soaking girl.

"Get in." He spoke calmly, nothing more, nothing less.

She slid in, staring at her lap.

"I'm getting your car all wet." She whispered, trying not to let her crying become detectable.

"You know I don't give a fuck, Aurora. What the hell are you doing out here?" His voice raised but he wasn't angry with her in the slightest. He noticed her shaking hands and offered her a cigarette, which she took, nodding at him briefly before bringing it to her lips.

He raised his eyebrows and after a moment she whispered something.

"He's with her. I went in for our date night and he was with her." Billy's face changed instantly from concern to anger and he held the steering wheel tightly in his fist.

"What." His word was laced with venom and he turned to fully face her.

"I went into his room and he was naked, on top of that cheerleading bitch, Carvers girl." She rested her head back against the seat and a lone tear slipped down her freezing face.

"I'm gonna rip that stupid motherfucker's face off! Who the fu-"

"I don't wanna be in Hawkins anymore. I always talk about leaving but I just need to fucking go. Anywhere. Fuck Munson, fuck Chrissy, fuck Hawkins, Billy. I wanna go."

The boy paused. He brushed his hair back and looked out the window, he turned to watch Aurora blow smoke out the crack in the window and sighed.

"Let's fucking go."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah." He replied quickly, laughing slightly. "There's nothing for us here. Let's go: just you and me. You're gonna be a huge fuckin rockstar and I've been wanting back to california since I got in that fucking car."

Aurora laughed in disbelief and threw her cigarette from the car.

"Right now?"

He made eye contact with her and smirked.

"Right fuckin now."

He drove the pair to Auroras house, where the girl climbed through her window and pulled out two small bags of clothes, some cash, and her guitar, she passed it to the mullet wearing boy and he quickly placed it in the back of the camaro. Aurora climbed back down and ran to the passenger side. The pair speeding off to their new destination. Cali-fuckin-fornia.

☆☆☆☆

Two days later the pair found themselves in a motel just outside Hollywood. They had kept to their words and hasn't stopped till they got there.

Aurora laid on the bed while Billy brushed his hair hastily in the tiny mirror in the bathroom.

"We never thought about where we're gonna live." The boy spoke suddenly, shattering the comfortable silence that lay between the pair.

"I've got a few friends here. Don't you fuckin worry about it."

☆☆☆☆

Six months later and no one in Hawkins had any idea where the ex-king of Hawkins high and the party's sweetheart had disappeared off to.

Some said he kidnapped her. Others they were having an affair and ran off. Others she was pregnant by the boy and the personal favorite of the basket ball team, Satan took them both down to hell.

The party sat in the byers home, bundled up on sofas and the floor and whatever else they could squish onto. Steve fiddled with the channels unconsciously as the kids bickered between themselves.

The Brunette flicked past MTV and suddenly Eddie was all on him screaming for him to turn it back on. It was some music festival interviews, featuring Eddie's personal favorites, Metallica.

His now girlfriend, Chrissy, sat next to him, silently staring down the children on the floor infront of her. Eddie seemed to try and replace Aurora with the girl and max, Robin, Nancy and will were not having it in the slightest, the rest of the party trying to adapt to it.

He shushed everyone almost violently as kirk hammet began to talk through the screen as an interviewer spoke to him about the show about to be played.

☆☆☆

There were tons of famous rockstars on the show; Guns n' Roses, Mötley Crüe, Pantera, Hanoi Rocks, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Van Halen, ZZ top, AC/DC, Ozzy Osbourne and Iron Maiden. It was Eddie's dream.

But during a random interview with various guys from different bands backstage, a very intoxicated Ozzy Osbourne stumbled into the room, his arm wrapped around a girl with bright white hair, adorned in black leather and studded jewelery, her other side held onto by an equally as hammered Eddie Van Halen. She was thrown a box of cigarettes by non other than Nikki Sixx and she lit one, placing it between her rouged lips before being dragged over to the camera. Her black sunglasses hid her eyes as the drunk British man began to speak into the camera.

It was all so cartoon like and Eddie laughed at the screen. Laughed until the rockstar moved back and revealed the girl without her glasses.

"And this," the loud Birmingham accent blared as the bot reached to turn the volume up. "Is Aurora Angel! Fucking mint girl right here this is, best woman guitarist I ever" He paused, forgetting himself, causing the girl to laugh and lean back on Van Halen's shoulder.

"Met?" She suggested. And the man's arms flew round her shoulder, shouting yes and stealing her cigarette before running off.

"Bloody hells, anyways." She laughed and turned to the woman now asking her questions.

"So, Aurora, we know you've been seen on the strip with a man quite a few times now, you seem close? Who is he?"

She bit her lip in thought and smiled suddenly when she realised what the lady was regarding. "Oh shit yeah, no. That's Billy. Best mate and number one fan. He's around here somewhere." She turned, her hair blowing slightly.

She was approached by the boy who still sported the same mullet, who was joined by non other than James Hetfield who engulfed the girl in a hug before joining in with the conversation.

☆☆☆

Eddie stood from his seat, shocked to his core. The kids began to freak out and max was shouting along with Steve.

No way, his girl. Ex-girl. Whom he had cheated on and replaced. Had become a famous rockstar, on hugging terms with his idol.

He felt his insides liquefy when he realised the bitter truth.

His rockstar potential was now 100% non-existent. Not when everyone in the industry was in love with the girl he broke and probably hated his guts for hurting her.

He was totally and utterly fucked.

You guys want a part 2? Let me know x

[quitesins]

hi are u accepting request? Im obess with your king bakugou headcanon😭✨ im really curious like how would reader would met bakugou, or how would the reader get his attention (becuase that brat doesnt paying attention to people who are boring-). Did we met him in a ball or a horse racing competition?. Its okay if youre not accpeting request :)))

So glad you enjoyed it!! I don’t quite do full requests but I can defo be prompted into talking about Bakugou lol! so here’s my off the dome- no edit, just vibes- word spam of Dragon King! Bakugou!!!

How Dragon King! Bakugou and Reader Meet

Masterlist | Dragon King! Bakugou

Tags: Sfw, Suggestive, Fem! Reader Mentions of violence/Nsfw, not explicit, Fantasy Au, Dragon Hybrid! Bakugou, King! Bakugou, [this was a lot longer and structured than it was meant to be so, its still messy though coz I was straight up freestyling. I honestly have no clue if this connects to the Hcs I wrote, I forgor wtf was in there.] the plot of this is a bit cartooney- don’t look at it so deeply

Summary: Bakugou saves reader from an angry mob, and in turn develops an unexpected friendship with the girl.

It’s nothing original but I’d like to think reader is someone not of aristocratic decent. It’s unheard of, not only is she a human, but a common one at that.

But the first time he laid eyes on you, he knew; It was you he’d mate for life.

The Bakugou crown had been passed down already, but the previous queen’s nagging still reigned over Katsuki. After all, she was his mother. No matter how many times he called her a nosy hag- who needed to mind her own business- he still found himself sat in stuffy suits, opposite noblemen intent on getting their daughters hitched to the most powerful family of them all. The girls were either too proper or downright scared of him and the parents clearly wanted nothing but to pimp their daughters out. He was sick of it.

Queen Mitsuki would often curse that she never had another child. Her son was just too stubborn and hard headed. She gave him freedom to find love on his own, but a man like him, constantly at work- or constantly in a fight- she had given up. It wasn’t just about finding someone to continue the lineage though, she genuinely wished the best for her son. Someone for him to come home to the way she did his father. Someone to tame him, someone to share his burdens, someone to love him. Someone for him to love.

Bakugou liked to think he didn’t have time for love, a quick fuck here or there sure, but a relationship? He’d rather be forced to endure another banquet with the Todoroki’s than get into that sappy stuff.

He didn’t know it then, but his own words would come back to bite him. Hard.

It was supposed to be a simple raid, of a nearby human village that had started to get a little greedy with its trading. Humans were often arrogant when it came to dragons, seeing them as nothing but brutes with no brains. Katsuki was smart, and somewhat just, so seeing his kin ripped off on the basis their kind were idiots? Not only did it piss off his pride but also his morality.

But nothing is ever so simple with the Bakugou’s.

When he got there, his men ready but settled, the entire village was already in uproar. Merchants shouting over each other, villagers screaming bloody murder yet not a single person seemed to be hurt.

“Fuck is all this?” Katsuki grabbed hold of one of the traders, demanding an answer.

“A witch!” The man responded with a look of disgust, pointing to where the heart of the chaos laid. “They’ve caught a witch!”

Katsuki looked at him with a scowl, wondering what shitty witch could kick up such a fuss. He let the man go, ordered his men to get the villagers to calm the fuck down, and started making his way to whatever had started the riot.

Pushing past the crowd, he heard you before he saw you.

“‘M not a fuckin’ witch!” You struggled against the constraints that kept you bound, snarling when someone got too close.

Your language amused Katsuki, he’s never heard a lady talk with such flagrance. But your expression confused him, you weren’t fearful- just really fucking pissed.

“We saw you!” A man perked up. “All those herbs and strange spices, what else could it be used for other than witchcraft!”

Bakugou nearly laughed at the way your face twisted to blink at the man’s stupidity.

“To cook, you dipshit!”

The man didn’t take that well, stepping forward. He didn’t get to lay his hands on you. Katsuki had let out a loud shout, startling the crowd.

“Don’t touch her.” He approached you with a smirk on his face, too curious to let you go. “This one’s mine.”

“Didn’t need your help.” You spat out, brushing down your clothes as he finally freed you.

Katsuki merely rolled his eyes. The petulance was somewhat entertaining. But he quickly caught onto the irony and scowled. “Yeah and you were doing just fine, tied to a literal stake.”

“They wouldn’t go through with it.” It was your turn to roll your eyes. “They’re not all bad, just fools who’ll follow anyone”

He didn’t disagree.

“Well then the fuck are you.” He nodded in the direction of the village, as the two of you had moved into the clearing where the forest began. “Ain’t you one of them?”

Your face told him enough. “Wouldn’t be strung up like a rabbit if I was. I’m not from here but I’ve made home in the forest.” You shrugged. “Just come here for stuff they get from the city.”

“Can’t magic it all up?” Katsuki teased. “After all you are a witch.”

You scoffed, but he heard the slight smile as you replied. “If I was, you would be under a silencing spell right now.”

The sun had started to set, and he could tell it was probably best if you returned home. Still, Katsuki was too intrigued to let the conversation taper. Instead he insisted, much to your faux dismay, he escort you home.

To put it simply, your housing situation was shit.

“This is a fuckin’ cave.” Katsuki deadpanned as the two of you approached your abode.

“It’s cozy!” You shot back, defending your home. It was quite cozy to be fair, rocks covered in fabrics, plush pillows scattered around. Even if it was a little shabby it was better than nothing.“Plus, don’t you dragons live in caves.”

The mention of dragons made his eyebrow quirk. His dragon features had been tucked way. “You know who I am?”

You scoffed, lighting an oil lamp, illuminating the cave in a dim glow. “Who doesn’t.”

He supposed you were right. He was known throughout the lands. For his infamy of course, but he was a household name.

“And you’re not scared of me?”

“Nah.” Your eyes flickered with the flame as they looked up and down his form . “I could take you.”

The reply was unexpected, but somehow Katuski didn’t feel disrespected. Instead his lips curled into a smirk. “I hope you mean in a fight.”

The conversation continued into the night, jokes and laughter coming easy to the both of you. It was almost too difficult to let it come to and end but eventually you shoved him out, already having taken up so much time and making his men wait.

“Don’t miss me too much.” Your voice and expression had sweetened during the time spent together, and it made Katsuki’s face warm and chest tighten.

“Fuckin’ won’t !” Even through the gruffness of his voice, he was sure you could sense the mirth.

Katsuki was a fool to think he wouldn’t fall into the hands of love, but somehow he didn’t mind, not one bit.

We can just pretend Bakugou returns and offers her a place to stay and work at his castle and then ya they be besties and fast forward they in love.

Anyways… that was sumn! I’ll eventually read back and edit the typos or mistakes but for now boom!! Silly spiel about dragon king bakuuu…

[ziamfanfiction]

this week’s ziam ao3 feed

hey y’all long time no see! im doing 2 weeks in a row coz the past ones i couldn’t do a post coz i was studying for my exams, they are finished for now so i’m back to posting on sunday! woo! Remember to leave kudos and nice comments on the fics okay? Let’s gooo

fics posted/updated from May 7th to the 20th

Intoxicate Me, Mesmerize Me, Obliterate Me by eternallyunleashed (wip)

There was a certain heat obtained from rebellion that even the actual throes of heat never sparked. Keeping up an image of perfection; being the good kid, the perfect son to the Mayor and Chief of Police, the city of Lincoln’s sweetheart omega, it was all taxing to Zayn. Walking the thin line of danger was exhilarating. Was it coincidental that this danger happened to be an attraction to a certain alpha who was none other than the leader of the South Side Vipers gang, who seemed to despise him and the part of town he came from? Probably not. But when had anything ever stopped Zayn?

All the different kinds of flowers by Koori, ZoeRavenclaw28

When Liam, the future Tsars right-hand man, meets Zayn, the son of an Emir, his world turns upside-down.

A story about late-night chess games, scents, herbs, and so so many flowers.

Wasted Times by japanstylezouis (chloroform)

and well zayn just can’t seem to forget

Demons by PubuMalik_love_ZaynMalik_FOREVER (wip)

“I’m not available.” Zayn blurted out. “You’re married?” “No.” “Engaged?” “No.” “Living with someone?” Zayn shook head. Liam was quite for a seconds, staring at Zayn as if Zayn was a puzzle that he wanted to solve. “I’ll see you later,” he said eventually. “And in the meantime… I’m going to figure out how to get a ‘yes’ out of you.” Or Zayn is a wedding planner who's coordinating his first biggest wedding with his sister Sophia as he happened to meet handsome rich Liam payne on the wedding day.

A Change Of Heart by SpookyFaces (wip)

Liam is a police guard who has to raid the revolution blooming in the streets. He never expected to meet a beautiful, breath-taking boy, who makes him forget which side he is on and reminds him how to feel again.

Or the story, in which Liam meets Zayn - an angelic hippie boy - in the world, where love is nearly forbidden and violence is used as a weapon. But Liam believes in power and freedom of love, even if he has been forced to fight against it. Liam believes in Zayn, because Zayn is what love looks like for him.

Ten Minutes by mc_writer

After flying across an ocean to see Zayn, what’s another ten minutes?

Alchemy by mc_writer

Zayn thinks it’s like magic, how he changes when Liam is around.

Permanent by mc_writer

Liam worries.

How much distance and time apart can a relationship take?

Can people change and stay the same?

Dusk Till Dawn by somepeoplearewild (wip)

Liam and Zayn keep it strictly professional. Until they can’t.

Serendipity by ziamruinedmylife

A self-indulgent drabble in which Zayn has a flat tire on the way home from college and Liam stops to help him out.

Love on the Brain by curiousair (ballsdeepinharry) (locked)

After doing this for ten years, making his parents proud is still his favorite thing about being a 'pop star.' He's had number one albums, traveled the world, won awards, bought houses for his parents and cars for his sisters, and donated millions of dollars to charities. The life he's had so far is everything he's wanted and more.

Falling in love with the 'hottest new up and coming singer' and getting cheated on was definitely not on his list of goals.

Or, the one where Liam gets cheated on and writes an album about it, Zayn is a shithead, and they argue a lot because they're still not over it (or each other).

Attention Please by LonelyAquarian (wip)

Zayn Replaces Liam As The Center Of Attention As Louis Plans His "Wake".

Diet Soda Society by SpookyFaces

Zayn is a villain with daddy issues. Liam is a superhero with a fragile heart.

The thing is - they are roommates. Liam would never think Zayn is his enemy, and Zayn wouldn't even guess anything about Liam being a hero at nights. They keep making excuses to each other about why they are out all the time when something happens and lying about why their bodies are covered in scratches in bruises.

Oh, and they are in love. But this is just another secret they try to hide from each other.

If I have you, what more could I possibly want? by MalikxPayne

A very pregnant Zayn wakes up Liam in the middle of the night. Fluff ensues :)

Let Me (teach you the basics) by Sincerely_Insanity

“Would you marry me?” Zayn blurted while sitting up properly and staring Niall down with wide eyes.

“Wait what?” Niall asked, because what?

Zayn's expression turned sour and he shook his head slightly as if he were trying to prevent yet another partial thought from slipping out. “I mean if you were Liam.”

Within You Without You by PersephoneJones (wip)

Liam started to swipe up to unlock his phone, and then paused, thumb hovering over the screen. He’d been angry at Zayn for a very long time. Probably still was, to be honest. It wasn’t even about him leaving the band. It was that Zayn hadn’t just walked away from his job. He’d walked away from their friendship. Five years of togetherness and camaraderie, and what Liam (and just about everyone else) had thought was a special bond.

Or, the one where Zayn dipped out, sank the Ziam ship, and didn't even bother to call. Can Liam forgive him? Does he want to? And just why have the two of them always been so cuddly with each other, anyway?

The King Of Queens by LHSHIP (wip)

1 universe, 8 planets, 7 continents, 195 countries, 7 seas and over 7 billion people and it was Zayn who had the privilege of someone coming into his life, taking his heart so unexpectedly, that his life changed for ever.

AU: Zayn is just a fan, Liam a famous singer and against all odds they’re somehow meant to be.

Captain BadAss and Footie Fury by JoMouse

Liam and Zayn meet through a group chat about superheroes.

The future by A_lilbit_of_everything

"He longs to go back, to turn around and go back to him. To his heart, his home. But going back would be forfeiting his future, would be forfeiting everything he's learned."

Beyond Words by StoryAnonGuy33 (wip)

"Some things are beyond words" Liam added lightly, Zayn laying back down on Liam's chest. "They are, aren't they?" He commented back, Liam smiling and kissing the top of his head. "You bet babe"

Or when Liam and Zayn attend the same college and with budding and cemented feelings between the two, will things turn out the way they want?

[ohimesama]

12.20.21 Tuesday

Continuation....  about this “cuddle lite journey”...

I met this “187 that dude” everything was ohkay... Since, I’m the only one left there by the group created by my Tita Karen, I was enjoying going in and out on “187 that dude” station. One funny topic there, was about the “air fryer”, women talking about that particular kitchen appliance/  equipment. I was just listening and of course since I’m stuck and trap due  to pandemic and windblow and some negative energies, so, I’m trying to enjoy and learn and review English with these people. And I’m trying to figure out what is “air fryer” is it a symbolism of something or is it real? coz it was the first time I’ve learned that kitchen appliance. Of course we used to have oven, that was given and now we lost it and I’m wishing for us to have an oven again... I wanted to bake but we are still on a tight budgeting these days. 

By the way, I bought an air fryer at Lazadah it is cool! Wow! I can fry an entire chicken... Amazing in a way...

I was there and nothing serious... And I’m starting to build friendship with them and him and suddenly they became a “family”...

I got curious and whenever I went in on his station, suddenly there were young women who were there and became active on his channel. There was this one time I asked “187 that dude” what is the meaning of 187 on his name? And he said some kind of angelic number codes then I google it then I found out the meaning...

When you google 187 there are so many possible meanings... I just believed him when he said that it was just an angelic codes for love, something like that...

I’m gonna put here some possible meanings of 187 that I got from google. 187 when it comes to love means  starting a brand new relationship and be sociable. Start conversing with people around you, something like that... Be more outgoing... On spiritual aspect 187 means that you need to pray to God to help you be more confident in life. 

But on the negative side 187 means MURDER! The negative side of this number when you google it  is this--- “ 187 is slang for “murder.” 187 is a term associated with hip-hop songs dealing with topics of crime or gang violence.”

There was this one time, I went in and he suddenly kicked me out of his station.I felt bad that day and what did I do? I got  HURT...

So, I went in and out still for couple of months on “187 that dude” station, suddenly this particular girl named “IRISH” was kinda weird for me. The chaos started there when this girl named IRISH came in on the scene.

One day, I just realized that oopss ... “187 that dude” got a growing family here and I wasn’t invited... And I didn’t have intention to ask why... And I’m not gonna put myself in, if I wasn’t invited...

 A day came that I was there again on “187 that dude” station but not just a day... There were mornings that I suddenly woke-up and saw his name that he was on-live streaming and I went in simply to talk but liking his voice and his way of speaking but with IRISH, everything was totally a reverse. It is a total chaos with IRISH!

Then a day came, when I entered his station, whew! This girl named IRISH suddenly commented that why don’t you let her in coz she obviously likes you and she wants you, something like that...  I felt that my vagina was dropped that moment in-front of everyone in the station.

Then, as a mature person or as a person with in a way having the maturity... I just go with the flow that day, that my vagina was dropped in-front of everyone or whoever was there at that moment, I got the “187 logo”... 

So, it is kinda an embarassing thing for me, how did I get their logo... Then, I feel irritated on IRISH and suddenly felt JEALOUS and the time I saw “187 that dude” pictures... And I suddenly feel that I need to compete IRISH for whatever reason, for dropping my vagina... 

Then, I checked his profile... Wow! “187 that dude” is a cute guy on his black jacket with someone... And he switched to white shirt on his profile though it looks that he became so wasted in life.

Then, I became competitive without intention of doing it but I was so irritated with IRISH there... Coz the ambience suddenly became a big garbage can...

Then, I think, I thought that “187 that dude” is single... Then, there was this moment, I suddenly accidentally played it in cuddle, I mean portraying as if we are in the real world. A moment came that he said he is shivering coz it’s super cold there in their place, then I offered if he wants me to embrace him? Then, he said no, I’m ohkay... Then, I said are you sure? You don’t want me to embrace you.   After a while...” 187 that dude”  got a gf in the station, she is HEATHER. And I didn’t have any bad comment on her or any bad bread... Coz the picture of my x was still there on my fb coz of giving myself a protection that I had bf coz people and some relatives saying that I’m a TOMBOY... I had have issues way back of being a TOMBOY! But this is not the main story here...

But I felt hurt on “187 that dude” coz he never defend me on IRISH... They just dropped my ego, like that... Irish is gone on the station and I just realized that this HEATHER and 187that dude are an item. So, I had have etiquette, I have pride... I’m not mean and in fairness my adoptive parent’s didn’t raise me to be mean or to be a stealer... I was a church girl since I was 13 until I finished college.

still the same day 8:31 pm...

hmmm... There was this afternoon that I’m hosting in cuddle that HEATHER came in and asked me, why I stopped going to 187 family. Obviously, I couldn’t just say that hey! I like your bf... But I have sanity ohkay... I didn’t say that... I tried giving her a white lies that I made it appear that I wanted to be famous here in cuddle, something like that, that I wanted my own hosting moment for myself...And I tried my best to make HEATHER believed that, that was the real reason but she insisted me to return to the family coz she said that’s why we are family to support each other. And still insisting to really know the reason, it seems she wasn’t convinced that was the real reason... So, I decided on the spot to give her the real reason in an indirectly way...I said hmm... I’m trying to remember my words that afternoon on HEATHER... I said sometimes you can’t be with the same space if you feel that a particular thing is not yours... I forgot my exact metaphor that moment, but something like that...

Before that, HEATHER came in, in my live stream and told me that they are preparing their wedding... So, I said wow! I’m happy for you, happy for the both of you, something like that... 

I even stopped going to cuddle lite coz of that... I felt that I was suffocated... And I’m so thankful that baby John came in here with us and most specially with me. My baby John became my bliss on loneliness, my bliss on my boredom, my bliss on my panicking emotion of thinking what is my future... What will be my future?

Then, I went back and saying hi to “187 that dude” after 4 months coz I was really busy or I just focused myself on my baby John. I think I’m over it with the thing that I like this guy... But I calmed myself for 4 months coz I have the maturity and taking everyone seriously in cuddle. I even  experienced that someone committed a suicide in cuddle but the management of cuddle, I think they just hide the truth that someone died and the account was still  there...

Just saying hi  to “187 that dude” , asking his wedding preparation. He said that it’s not yet final but if ever, nobody will support him something like that, I’m somehow shocked... And he said that probably he will die soon and I stopped him, I said don’t think that way coz you are still young... Just saying a quick hi and hello to him coz we started there in a good way and I want everything smooth. I even said that I can support him but the thing is I don’t have money to go there... Hahaha a funny support phrase... Why his family will not support him, if he is happy with someone... I’m a FRIEND...

Just recently, I’m happily hosting just to kill time and to play in cuddle lite to earn points just for a purpose of playing this app and let’s see if I can have a soul mate there or if I can get a date and move on to other apps... And at the same time campaigning for the Marcos’es/Manotoc’s  for the next election day... Hoping that this country will have a better future... 

Just another recently, “187 that dude” went in on my stream and we just catching up and went to a private room. He said that Heather and him are no longer together but I saw his face hmm he got bruises and wounds on his face... I care and I feel that he needs someone so, I’m just here...  

So, I asked a lil I think it’s not bad to scoop coz I care for him... What happened to him? What happened to him and Heather? He said that Heather cheated on him every now and then... And 2 men just went in to their house and grabbed him and punched him like that and I asked why? He said I don’t know...

What happened to Heather? He said she visited me here and will act like a crazy woman and made out with some other guy and went back to him and even breaking his window... But as I saw his room it was just a small window space for his AC... I really care but he looks weird and until now... what happened with that angelic face and hypnotizing eyes. Then, the liking part came back with pity and curiosity and I don’t want this guy to be a garbage coz I know he is not...He is a child...  

But I really do care, I like the eyes, there is something on his eyes... He gained a lil but he is fine...I just don’t get it, what happened... He lose his front teeth but it looks like someone removed it but he still looks good.  He really got a good face. I really do care... And I’m shock...

We talked and I want his eyes and whatever wounds on his face, I want it be healed... And I’m happy that from the past days he was busy and I think will get better and healing... 

Whatever it is... I care... I hope he is ohkay... In spite of he doesn’t want me texting, I mean he preferred me talking than sending him message. I want him to know me as a friend and as a gf... 

I’m just happy that his room is having a positive vibes now... I want him to have a good life and whatvever it is... If he is busy then, he said “ it is what it is” his repetitive phrase when he is hosting in cuddle lite. If Heather and him will be back together... I  think I’m gonna say “ it is, what it is”... Funny thing, right...

I really want to save this soul... I know  he is a child... If he is bored talking to me, “ it is what, it is”, I’m in a way 40... I really wanna know everything... 

We all know, from time to time we have the childish part in our hearts. But this time I saw “187 that dude” that he is a child... His eyes are speaking of things that he, himself couldn’t see but I’m able to see... 

I’m just having a shoulder and back pain... Over-thinking of next year and whatever...

[addigni]

But some people say that John and Sherlock are in a abusing friendship but with Sherlock abusing on John and it does disturb me... What do you think ? ( I like John not being perfect and violent sometimes tho it makes his character more interesting)

@curu-monk i agree actually. they’re NOT a healthy relationship at this point (not since s3 tbh)

perhaps they are not being deliberately abusive towards each other, but they are too codependent on each other for it to be a healthy relationship (friendship or otherwise). 

Sherlock is too dependent on john as being the centre of his entire universe. Sure, when you romanticize it you can say it’s love, but it isn’t a healthy one. Everything sherlock ever does is for john, he lives for john, he killed magnussen for john and he alone suffers the consequence of incarceration or a death mission. Yet despite the potentially fatal consequence, he does it anyways. Why? Because for john. He is so dependent on john that sherlock completely disregards his own well-being and his own life. When he returned and his incarceration got cancelled, what did he do (in the entirety of tst)? did he live his own life (and by live his own life i mean having a life/priorities of his own but still keeping john as part of his life)? No. Instead, what sherlock chose to do was to make John’s family life as his own personal mission. That he lives mainly to protect mary and rosie and john to give john the domestic life john wants. And then when john got angry with him and asked for distance, what happened to sherlock? He went off his tits on drugs and hallucinated and is a complete mess-- all simply because john no longer needed him there. Again, if you romanticize it, this can sound like an oh-so-special love story. But the reality is that it is more appropriate to call it dysfunctional. ANY relationship that would cause serious mental or emotional or physical harm to either parties is NOT a healthy relationship. And considering the amount of times sherlock has complete disregard for his own life and safety, unable to have a will to live without john, that isn’t a healthy relationship.

Same goes for john, the way he views their friendship isn’t healthy either. From what i see, sherlock is his safety net. When Mary was still alive, he completely lets go of the wheel and expects sherlock to be in control of it. He’s complacent, “sherlock is there and sherlock promised to be their bodyguard so ok yeah that’s sherlock’s job. and i can enjoy my life how i wish to” and he cheat-texts on E coz he got bored of domestic family life and once Mary dies, he’s still burdened by his own guilt of cheating. But instead of facing his own emotions and admitting it to himself, he instead lashes out in a violent outburst. Lashes out on who? Well, sherlock ofc, because that’s what sherlock is there for, sherlock is a willing target, and there’s enough flaws and past resentment that sherlock has done to make john feel somewhat justified to beat him up in the heat of the moment.

so yeah, these two people are so broken and are both so full of self-loathing. Sherlock’s self-loathing manifests itself in self-destructive behaviour, thinking he deserves to be beat up, he deserves to be hated, he deserves to be alone, etc.

meanwhile john’s self-loathing manifests itself in denial, unrealistically high expectations in himself followed by extreme self-loathing for not being able to live up to that expectation, and it becomes a cycle. The self-loathing reinforces the denial and high expectation. The disappointment to meet that expectation reinforces the self-loathing. And it repeats and repeats until he reaches a breaking point and burst-- in the form of excessive violence towards sherlock.

they need a therapist and they need to sort themselves first before they can actually fix their relationship into a healthy one.

using “it is what it is” as an excuse to let things be the way it is is not good. because “the way it is” is not healthy. And it isn’t an unfixable problem so yes, working towards a healthier outcome is an effort worth exploring. And that’s what i hope i can see in these characters one day, because let’s face it, one time or another we will all end up in a somewhat unhealthy relationship without realising it (at least I have) so to see how something that’s dysfunctional can turn and grow into a relationship that’s mutually-beneficial and positive and healthy, isn’t it quite a nice and hopeful thing to witness?

and that’s the end of my ted talk x’D that got wayyyy longer than i expected